I grew up in a family of strong people but I also spent ten of those years surrounded by a man constantly telling me I wasn't good enough, that I would never achieve anything in life, that I was fat and even being told I wasn't smart enough but rather stupid. Making me feel excluded from all those strong individuals in my family. Few people know of this, and I've been hiding it for a long, long time. Fighting to be all those things he told me I would never be or just proving him wrong. It has been a struggle and the crave for attention is probably all based on a need for the highs of feeling good enough or even great about whom I've become. In spite of him. If only for a second or two. Or an eternity. Those highs are like my own personal favourite choice of drug.
As much as I crave attention I do like to give away my own. I like acknowledging those in need of it, just as I do myself. Telling them whatever they need to hear, making them feel what they need to feel, or just showing them I appreciate them. And I do it because I care, because I want to and because I know how important it is for your inner peace and happiness. Because I know the highs they're seeking! To me it's not a bad thing, needing it or giving it! It is, however, a truly bad thing when you give and give, without receiving it back. At least to me. It's like a scale constantly needing to be levelled! If it falters, so do I. It completely drains me. And it bores me. But most of all, it makes me feel less important.
I'm not high maintenance, and I do not demand people to act in a special or specific way around me. I do not expect attention from everyone at any time. That is not how I work, or how my needs for attention works. I'm just as everyone else, an ordinary and quite simple woman (I think, not knowing all women). I'm talking about specific times and specific people and I know they know who they are. So this blog entry is not to be regarded as a way of making people feel they need to act differently towards me, this is just me trying to explain why I'm active on social media and why I seek attention! And why I like it.
Over and out