lördag 5 november 2016

Honouring the ones lost

Today is All Saints Eve here in Sweden. A day to honour your lost ones. Those who have left this world and entered heaven or hell, if you prefer. I'm not sure I believe in either heaven or hell, but I want to believe that we're not lost for all eternity when we pass, like a light is turned off, never to be lit again. I trust in the thought of once again being able to feel my grandfathers arms around my shoulders and his loving voice greeting me. 

So today we lit the candles on the graves of our dead and we keep them close in our hearts and minds. Remembering them and their love. My grandparents grave is over two hours away by car, and I won't be able to visit. So I'll lit a candle here, at home, and I'll keep it burning all through the night. 

I've seen those building shrines of their dead ones, but I'm convinced that is not what my granddad would have wanted. To manifest our grief and longing in something physical like that. He wanted us to live on, happy and content. Thinking of him, for sure, remembering him and grandma with a smile. I know he would have wanted us visiting the grave because we wanted to be closer to them, not because we felt forced or that the grave needed maintenance, like new flowers. My shrine is in my heart, and in my heart my grandparents will live on forever. I will keep them close and treasure my memories that they've given me while growing up, together with the abundance of love they filled my heart with.

I've tried many times to tell you about my amazing grandparents, but I know I've still to do them justice. Sometimes I doubt I ever will. But, as I told a friend the other day, the one person in my entire life that I have always told the truth, is my granddad. He might not have known all my secrets, but I told him the truth. And maybe it was simple because many of those truths were written in a letter and not said out loud (we were pen pals from when I first learned how to write until he lost the ability to read - he was almost blind when he passed). But either way, they were told and he always responded to them. And he stayed truthful to me over all those years, answering my every question with the truth although knowing I might not want to hear it. Both those naively written from a nine year old girls perspective and those from an adult and fully aware woman. And some of those truths might have been hard for him to utter at all, because some were old and long since buried secrets that he for some reason felt safe enough to let me in on. And I was, still am, thankful for his trust! 
So, I'll make this day all about remembering them both. Filling my heart with loving memories as I go down memory lane. I will love you forever! ❤️
Over and out

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