söndag 13 november 2016

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day here in Sweden, so I'll take this opportunity to speak freely to my father.

Dear daddy,
We have had a rocky road, being separated by a divorce when I was very young. You and my brother moved in one direction, while mum, my sister and I chose a different path of life. I'm sure that you would have been a really great and present father, had you been in my life constantly. But now, all these years later, I still carry on a great sense of loss. The loss of you. I never truly learned how it felt like, always having you close. Being dependent on you. Trusting you to be there to keep me up when stumbling through life. I'm not saying you aren't a great dad, because in your own special way you are! I can see all the efforts you've made when growing up to prove your love to me, to us children. And I cherish that! Truly. Always being there as a family when needed. But I miss being close to you! So much. And secretly I grieve that I can't trust you to be here for me, now. I still need you to comfort me when crying, and holding me close to your heart when being afraid. I want to laugh with you until my cheeks hurt from smiling. I want to sit next to you in silence and rest in your presence. I might be an adult (old lady), but in my heart I'm still that little child that misses her daddy! I want to tell you my secrets, but I'm afraid you won't listen! 

It's hard to say I love you, and mean it from the bottom of your heart. I know this. And I know you've tried to show me in actions rather then in so many words, but just this once I would love to hear you say it! And you could whisper, daddy, I promise I'll listen close enough to hear it! 

It's Father's Day and I want you to know that I love you! From the very depths of my heart. No matter what! No matter why! No matter how. You will always be my number one! 

With love,
K

 

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