My head decided not to cooperate with me and so the aching continued on today. That ment yet another day for me on the couch doing absolutely nothing. Eventually I got fed up with just lying there although every movement of my head caused the pain to intensify by a hundred. So I decided on pampering the rest of me to feel a tiny bit better, and put a clay mask on my face and laid down in a hot bubble bath. For sure that was a good thing for my face and the rest of my body, but it didn't do much for the aching in my head.
So now I'm back on the couch, doing nothing. I'm thinking I should use this time to do something productive instead, like writing. We'll see. I just know I need to do something or I'll loose my mind completely! 😆
I had to leave work early today. Very early! I had only been there for about an hour and a half when a headache made me cave in. I went straight back home and fell asleep on the couch. When I get my migraines there's not much to do but to try to sleep it away. And take my prescripted painkillers of course. So I'm still trying to cure that pain, I haven't succeeded yet. 🤕
So, this old lady isn't really smiling today, but soon I'll be back to my old smiling me again! I promise! 😊
My Sunday is coming to its end and I'm using my last minutes awake to reflect over my whereabouts and activities this weekend. It's been a good one, at least from my perspective. I've spent most of it in my happy place, reading and writing which means my mind got the exercise needed, my body not so much. 😬
Most importantly though, is that I've had time to think. Alone time. Me time. I love my family and friends, but I still need time alone. I've always been like that. It's nothing new. I just love silence and time spent by my self.
So in all, it's been a great weekend with a lot of insights and clarity for me. I know what's important to act on, to carry with me and what I'm ready to let go off or leave behind. Because I've had time. Alone. I've set my priorities and I know that that will at least make my week to come, easier to handle! 😜
I'm determined to make this a lazy Sunday! My kind of funday! 😉
I've been spending my last two nights staying up really late (dawn) reading and I'm starting to feel the effect of that. Tired as hell, truth be told! 😜 But when you love reading and books, that is how you choose to spend your quality alone time! Even if it means only a few hours of sleep (because your 4 year old wakes you up at 7)!
Today I've been with my family to celebrate my niece turning 13 years old earlier this week. I can't believe how time flies! Wasn't it just yesterday when she was still at kindergarten? She's grown up to this amazingly beautiful and intelligent young woman and I'm so proud of her! I bought her a dress as a birthday gift that I knew she really wanted, and she got very excited when ripping the paper of her gift and saw it inside. Worth every penny when you see the joy and happiness in her eyes! Not that it was expensive or anything!
My countdown for the trip to Vietnam continues and today we counted 13 days left to take off! Sooo looking forward to this vacation! Only 10 more days of work this year! Yeay! I do love my work, but I love vacations too! 😜
And reading! So I'm going back to dating my Kindle! 😉
We've lived in our apartment since September first this year. We sold our house just outside of Uppsala and bought an apartment right in the middle of the city instead! I loved our house, but I'm not really a house person. I don't like gardening and I don't like fixing things, like mending a broken fence (yes that happened) or building a garage (yes, my husband did that too). So the move was not really a big thing for me in the end. And I'm really happy with our apartment, at least now that we've renovated it to our liking! New floors, new kitchen and new wallpaper/paint on the walls. And from today a new master bathroom as well! 👍🏻
I really didn't like the old one. I know it's a bad picture but it was really not to my liking.
But now I'm happy with my new bathroom! Well, maybe not just quite yet! One of the doors to the mirror cabinet was cracked so I've ordered a new one! And I forgot to order the lamp that's supposed to sit on top of the cabinet with the mirror doors, so I've ordered that too today!
So, now our renovations of this apartment is coming to an end, finally! And I'm still not missing the house! 👍🏻 Now we truly can start to enjoy just living here, with no need to go outside to fix something in the garden or building something or mend something broken! Just enjoying being able to be lazy on the couch reading or taking it easy!
Sometimes the unexpected happens and leaves a merely visible little bump in the road, halting your plans although its small size. Like today, I woke up feeling great, but for some reason I couldn't get my right eyelid to open. With a little help from a wet cloth I finally got it up and my eye was all pink, irritated and stinging. So I had to change my plan and work from home all day instead. I went to a pharmacy to get some help with getting better as fast as possible, and got told to rinse my eye regularly during the day and contact the doctor if it gets worse. So far it's about the same, so I'm hoping I'll wake up tomorrow all good and without that shade of pink in my eye instead of the ordinary white one. I'm not so bothered with the new pinkish colour though, I like pink 😜, but the stinging and the pressure inside the eye is really irritating. Making me wanna scratch my eye constantly but I know I shouldn't! 😳
I know you can't really see it in this picture, but it's there. All pink! So, fingers crossed I'll be better tomorrow, I would really hate to miss work because I have quite a few meetings that I'm really looking forward to and of course they're very important as well!
I'm so, so tired. It feels like I haven't slept in days! My head is pounding and my body's aching. I feel old. Tired and old. Old and tired. And I look it. 🙁
But I won't scare you off by posting that truth in a picture! I got some help from Snapchat to hide reality!
I've had a really great day at work today, and maybe that's partly why I'm so tired. I've been working really hard to make this a fulfilling and truly great day for my employees as we were away from the office to work with the business plan for 2017. I wanted the day to be inspiring, but also empowering and fun. I think I made that happen, and now my mind wants to rest, finally ready to relax. First I just need to say; I have the best employees and consultants ever! They did great today, and I feel really proud and humbled getting to work with such competent and high-achieving people! 2017 will be a great year. A year of change! I can feel it! 💪🏻🙏🏻
So I'll be dating my Kindle tonight, and I'll probably fall asleep within minutes of reading. It's just one of those nights!
I've been thinking a lot on my decision on letting go of the pain of my past. Or rather how to follow through on that decision. It's an important process, and I need to get it right as I'm determined not to fall back into old tracks this time. The first step was to forgive. It was also the hardest part. I had promised my self never to do that. It was a large weight of my shoulders when I said the words, "I forgive you". I. FORGIVE. YOU.
I forgive you.
I. f.o.r.g.i.v.e. y.o.u.
I will never forget. It will never be ok, you just don't subject children, or adults for that matter, for that kind of humiliation, fear and pain. You just don't.
But you did, and now I forgive you.
But what is the next step? How do I move on from here? I've left the light burning in the dark places in my heart and I'm letting all the love from friends and family supporting me in this, fill up the empty spaces. I feel strong! I feel loved! And I feel empowered! I just want to make sure I stay on this path!
But maybe time will tell what comes next! Maybe I should just let time pass and stay confident that I got this. That this time, I got it covered! ❤️
I'm speechless! My heart is bursting with joy! I've got such amazing response on my last blog entry about letting go, that I'm completely overwhelmed! And proud! And happy! A big thank you to everyone of you that sent me such beautiful words of encouragement and love, it means the world to me! I didn't know so many of you cared and wanted to support me in this although not knowing the whole story. I feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life! Thank you! ❤️
There are only a handful of people in this world that knows the whole story about the now historical events that made my world dark for so many years. I will not share the details of what happened, although I know some would like me to. Those I feel need to know, do, and the rest will just have to accept the fact that they're on a need-to-know basis, and nowhere near the details. The lessons in this were mine to learn and I'm not at all convinced that it would help anyone else to know about that. Especially now when I've made peace with it and moved on.
Before I leave you today I would like to say thanks to the people who has helped me through this process, starting with some truly bad, chaotic and damaging chain of events more than 20 years ago. The nightmares, the hours of doubt and pain, the darkness, the hate and the fear. I won't mention you by name, but you now exactly who you are! From the bottom of my heart, with all the love that I possess; thank you! You've put a smile in my heart! ❤️